Prositution

I have honestly once met a girl who has offered blowjobs, in exchange for cigarettes.

I have also been offered a blowjob in exchange for nothing, the first words that the girl ever said to me were, 'Do you want a shine?'. Which is worse? Think about it. Even if you've already got your grade, think about it, and reply. cause its a tough one.

Personally, i think wanting a cigarette that badly is an incredible low, and think about it, she could have asked the guy to buy her a packet of ciarettes. She's either dumb, or just nasty.

Its Bigger Than Hip-Hop

Wassup People

It's Mista Poo-Poo Pants here, and i'm gonna talk about the negative image that hip-hop music has got. Word is bond.

It seems so easy for members of Parliament to say that rap music is causing gun crime, and i feel like the reason for this is that is that hip-hop has nothing to do with them. They feel that hip-hop has no place in their world, and since it is a foreign concept, if they blame it, nothing can come down on them. Peace to my homies in the place to be.

This man here goes by the name of Mos Def, and the guy at the top goes by the name of Immortal Technique. I'm gonna say nothing other than if you are of the mind that hip-hop is destroying communities, they will be a good starting point for the changing of your mind. Hip-hop is more than guns, and there are times we have to talk about guns for a reason. Enjoy.

Mos Defs website:

www.mosdefmusic.com

Bonafide Gangstaness

I'm big, I'm black, I wear bandanas and I rap. I listen to 2pac, Snoop Dogg, Public Enemy and Ice Cube, I enjoyed such films as Bad Boy's, Boyz in the Hood, and Menace to Society, but i can honestly say that i've never wanted pose like the people above, to show everyone how bad i am.

Maybe i'm special, or maybe these guys are idiots, but what is it about the most negative side of ghetto culture that is so attractive?

http://gangstaname.com/ Is a website that, and i quote, lets you 'Shed that weak-ass honky image with your very own gangsta name!'

I put my name in and the gangsta name these people suggest i use is 'Mista Poo-poo Pants'.
I kid you not.

I already wear a bandana, i listen to rap, and now i am going to start a new life as 'Mista Poo-poo Pants', what else should i do to make myself as stupid as the people above? I guess i should always be holding either a bottle of an alchoholic beverage, or some american dollar bills. Or a gun. I also need a posse of people ready to dress exactly the same as me, and have cool names. Using my middle names on the gangsta name generator gave me the names 'Swingin Dick Bull Dodga', 'Drunken G-Ride Bouncer' and 'Chewy tha Arse Star', so these people can be my crew.

All i need then is a swank ride, a stankload of chronic, and some bad-ass bitches, a baby momma and i'm on my way. Maybe then i'll gain the respect i've been missing all these years! i honestly can't wait.

Word is bond nigga,

Mista Poo-Poo Pants.

Random UFC Pictures

UFC

www.ufc.com

This is the official website of a sport that was created because people got fed up of the fact that professional wrestling is faked. They got fed up of the fact that there was little chance of someone getting seriously injured, as the 'wrestlers' had perfected the ways in which not to.

The cure for the concern of these people was to lock to fighters in a cage, and have them beat the crap out of each other in whatever way possible, until someone gives up, or is knocked out. I've watched it myself, and seen people get kneed ten times in the head, arms popped out of sockets, and someone get knocked out for nearly ten minutes, and i thought it was great.

Why is it that when there is a chance of someone getting seriously damaged, things get so much more entertaining?

We humans are seriously messed up.

Being Bad aBroad

I write this as i sit in a hotel in Majorca, where old people are trundling along with their days, and young people arer complaining about hangovers. A few nights ago i was singing karaoke, and although i was absolutely excellent, i was very surprised to find that without even making it to the first chorus, i was joined onstage by a drunken bride to be on her hen night, who was doing her best to dance seductively, and doing a horrendous job, much to the disgust of my girlfriend (who only likes good dancers).
Later on we were getting harrased by another drunken woman, who said she never drinks, but was drinking because she was abroad.
What could it be that makes people act like idiots when they leave the shores of Britain? I'm sure its not just the cheap booze. maybe people feel like because they've left responsibility at home they are free to act crazy, maybe they want to piss foreigners off, maybe they just think that they have to be crazy to have fun on holiday. I came here to escape britain and its crazy drinking people for a while, i have enough of them at work, but these guys are doing it even bigger.

¡Dios Mio!

Hasta Luego

Unhealthy Food

I was at work a while ago, and a short thin man came in. He looked like a person that would not only not hurt a fly, but would lose the fight if he tried to. He came to the bar and ordered a rum and coke while looking at the menu.

After a while he handed the menu to me, smiled, and asked me in these exact words; "What will make me fat?"

I could tell from the smile that he actually had no intention of getting fat, however i pointed out the biggest greasiest burger on the menu and suggested he have extra toppings, to make himself "super fat". He obliged, and soon was eating something resembleing a whole cow topped with cheese, bacon, onion rings, and barbeque sauce.

As do many things, this made me wonder. I know he didn't want to get fat, it was much to late in his life to get into the League of Elite Sumo Wrestlers (especially because it dosen't exist). But he must have derived some pleasure out of not only the flavour of the cow, (I named her daisy), but the fact that he was being unhealthy. And good on him! We live in a world that frowns too much at the enjoyment of junk food. If someone ate one of these burgers everyday, he probably would be very fat and unhealthy, but why not allow someone to enjoy one every once in a while. Let them eat cake, and burgers and whatever the hell they want.

P.s. Does this turn you on?

Football drunken people.

Today, i found out the effect football can have on a bar. I work at a bar that dosen't even show football, but after the match, many people came in for a post-match victory drink. (Wolves had done the apparently unthinkable, and beat West Brom 1-0. Not that it should be all that unthinkable, but it must be the way people were acting.) Even well after the match, people were still coming in, and soon enough, Yate's Wolverhampton was full of drunken football fans singing their joy with song calling everyone that isn't a wolves player or supporter a word that i will not write, otherwise i'll have to wash my fingernails out with soap.

They got quite rowdy, and many-a-time both myself, my managers and the security staff asked them to pipe down. But they wouldnt. Eventually, because of an only slightly related incident, the police came in, and a crowd of people that would normally sit down and respect authority, decided to sing and swear at the police. We had to stop serving completely to make them eventually leave.

I doubt that the fact that Wolves won a match is the only factor to consider, I think that its more the fact that people know that they are with a group of people that because of the same view in football, will act similarly to them in a situation, and if one of them has to fight, they will be backed up by forty others. Its insane that something as trivial as sport will make a person fight side by side with a complete stranger, for their right to act like a drunken idiot.

I dont mind though, i got to go home three hours early, therefore; WE LOVE YOU WANDERERS, WE DO! OH THE WANDERERS WE LOVE YOU! One-Nil! One-Nil!

Me as the Social Hero

Once when I was at school, my maths class was oppressed by a tyrant called Dr. Troth. He constantly attempted to squeeze any joy out of lessons we may almost enjoy with other teachers. I felt, for my classes honour, it was my job to save us by taking away his decency.
The biggest assault I placed upon him came soon after I had used some initiative and bought myself a slingshot. I had previously had no intention of using it in the lesson, but once I glanced behind me (at this point I was being made to sit at the front of the class) and saw that he was bent over to help someone out, fully presenting his buttocks. I did the only decent thing I could think of. I took out a two pence piece and my slingshot, and let it fly. Needless to say, he was not happy at my actions, and I was removed not only from the said lesson, but from many subsequent ones.
However this is one of my proudest school moments, and has gone down in legend. I am sure that at some point in the future of my school, this tale will rise to legend, much like Robin Hood.

Smoking Cigarettes

When i asked my brother to say something to do with smoking cigarettes, he said

'its gonna kill you.'

so stop smoking.

Valentine's Day

Why?

Why Why Why Why Why Why?

I love my girl. I really do. I'm all about love, but why?

Why Why Why?

I think the reason i have a problem with it is that i don't have any problem showing love at any other time in the year. I'm not attempting to show off, but i like buying flowers, I like cooking for my girl, i like doing things to make her happy. Just because.

Which brings me back to my original question;

Why?

Buying flowers on valentine's day dosen't show any love. if you want to go for a meal in the middle of march, just do it. not because society tells you that its what you should do on this day.

And who knows the story of St. Valentine anyway?

Field Trip Idea- They Told Me To

I think we should go to a comedy club somewhere. Jongleurs in Birmingham.

And we shouldn't have to pay